A meeting between president Trump and Democratic party leaders made headlines on October 16. It is a perfect example of an ‘amygdala hijack.’ What happened during this meeting illustrates what happens when a very old structure in our brain takes over from our prefrontal cortex, the latter being the structure that defines who we are, that uses logic and reason, and thinks about consequences of our actions.
The amygdala are involved in our brain’s fear circuit, a circuit that has been honed to perfection over the last 200.000 years to secure our survival. Our very existence today is proof of its effectiveness – if our ancestors’ amygdala had not protected them from threat and mobilized their fear response they would have perished and we would not be here to sling insults at each other.
Amygdala hijacks happen when we are, for a (brief or long) moment, ‘not ourselves,’ ‘losing it,’ or ‘out of control.’ This is literally true: the part that is usually in control, that defines who we are, that thinks about consequences of our actions, is our prefrontal cortex (PFC), the newest part of our brain. It is the part that makes us human, that can have empathy, that cares about relationships. When the amygdala take control away from our prefrontal cortex, we are no better or worse than reptiles, worrying about our survival in the face of a threat, and we do whatever it takes to survive: we run, we attack, we hiss or we curl up into a ball, playing dead.
Although the amygdala are not as busy as they used to be when our survival was a daily battle, they keep practicing what they are good at: protecting us, scanning the environment for signs that we are in danger. These days, the danger (when not in a war zone or very ill) are more about psychological safety than physical safety, but the same forces are mobilized nevertheless. We release the stress hormone cortisol and other neurochemicals such as adrenaline that prepare our bodies to do whatever it takes to survive the perceived attack. Our pupils dilate first to see if there is anything else around to hurt us, and then constrict, shrinking our peripheral vision to a small cone in front of us. Whatever bodily functions we don’t need are relegated to non ‘mission-critical’ status.
Amygdala hijacks are common in daily life, at work, at home and on the road: road range, people pushing your button, an annoying neighbor, screaming matches between teenagers and parents, or overwhelmed parents lashing out at their terrible twos.
I have had a few amygdala hijacks myself, some very memorable ones: decades ago at work, before the term was even coined (by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence) I ran out of a meeting that had tested me to my limits, slammed the door and threw a full coffee cup at the nearest cubicle. I was nearly fired. And more recently, just before the 2016 US elections I had a shouting match with a relative that left me shaken for days and severely, if not irreparably damaged the relationship. I was wondering, how did I let myself go, where was my more reasoned self?
Although some say emotional intelligence can save us from such attacks, I do believe that even if we consider ourselves emotionally intelligent we can experience such attacks when other things have gone wrong already and we are, tired, exasperated, angry or all of the above. There are days when someone cutting you off in traffic doesn’t bother you, while other days such a situation triggers you into slinging insults, shouting or using hand gestures that you may later regret, or even deeply ashamed of, especially if you were in the presence of someone who knows and (usually) respects you.
Prevention is of course better than recovery, but recognizing when we are in the throes of an amygdala hijack is second best when prevention has failed. My grandson had learned in pre-school that when he has an amygdala hijack (in preschool language this is when you suddenly feel very upset) to count slowly to ten while breathing slowly and deeply. It is good advice because it brings control back to our prefrontal cortex so we can think clearly about the consequences of our outrage, temper tantrum, the insult slinging, the yelling and screaming. We can now ask ourselves the question, is this behavior going to get me the outcome I want? Is it helping to maintain an important relationship? Probably not. So start counting to ten.